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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286358">Singing Silent Lullabies</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oH_goD_iTS_hEr_AgAIn/pseuds/oH_goD_iTS_hEr_AgAIn'>oH_goD_iTS_hEr_AgAIn</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nothing explicit, and bokuto comforting him, the fic is just Akaashi dealing with his grandpa’s death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:28:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28286358</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oH_goD_iTS_hEr_AgAIn/pseuds/oH_goD_iTS_hEr_AgAIn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Akaashi’s Grandpa died overseas, and he’s in need of some support. Luckily, one Bokuto Koutorou is there to comfort him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji &amp; Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Singing Silent Lullabies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Keji Akaashi was never particularly close to his grandfather. That didn’t mean he didn’t love him dearly, no not at all, it was quite the opposite, really. Keji didn’t really know how to talk to the man, is all. But he enjoyed the man’s company greatly. Once, one of Keji’s uncles wrote a book about the village the Akaashi family originated from, and in the book were pictures of the old village. Keji’s grandfather told many stories of his childhood that night at the weekly family gathering. And, dear god, wasn’t Keji </span>
  <em>
    <span>fascinated</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Keji has always loved to hear about the old town, and hearing the historic, text-book facts from his parents was one thing, but personal stories? It was nearly magical. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Regardless of Keji’s distance, his grandfather’s death had hit hard. He didn’t know why, and that almost made it worse. Akaashi’s parents were also confusing him. His mom, in particular, seemed to shut down and become cold at any mention of the death, and his father, upon questioning would say something along the lines of, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>he’s in a better place, now, Keji. Don’t worry yourself over it.”</span>
  </em>
  <span> And so try as he might, Akaashi tried to push away the overwhelming tsunami of </span>
  <em>
    <span>don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry-,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and similar disparities. He tried to placate these thoughts by reassuring himself that </span>
  <em>
    <span>grandfather was sick, and suffering, but he’s not hurting anymore</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t cry that night.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it was a damn near thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next morning, Akaashi headed to school as normal. That is, alone, on foot, and early. His mind was still riddled with thoughts about his grandfather. But perhaps, even worse than thoughts about the man himself, the stories he told Akaashi had come back to haunt him. When he neared the school, Akaashi shook his head in an attempt at clearing his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The gym doors loomed just within his sight, and when he reached them, Akaashi unlocked the doors with shaking fingers. He put all his things into his locker and began to set up the volleyball net and pull out the cart of volleyballs in the supply closet. Not long after, Bokuto Koutorou, Akaashi’s best friend and team captain, showed up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, hey!! Akaashi!” Bokuto shouted as he entered the gym, “Wow!! You’re so early!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akaashi hummend in acknowledgement, not looking up from where he was re-locking the closet door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Would you mind tossing to me before practice, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, and even though Akaashi was bone-tired, he exhaled and nodded, turning to grab a volleyball and head to his spot on the court. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto tossed the ball to Akaashi and ran up to jump and spike. As the ball came towards him, Akaashi looked at Bokuto. How hard did he have to push the ball towards him to get it in the perfect hitting spot? How fast did he have to do it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akaashi set the ball…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>…And it missed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh!?” Bokuto exclaimed, “Akaashi! I didn’t hit it! We need to practice more!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akaashi sighed silently and reached for another ball.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, confusion evident in his tone, “Hey, you okay? You’re acting kinda… off, today.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fine, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi replied, rather clippedly, “Now. Would you like to get back to practicing?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few more sets, missed balls, and (significantly less) successful spikes, the rest of the team began to trickle into the gym in pairs and triplets, until everyone was present. Their coach didn’t usually show up to morning practice, so they mostly practiced serves, spikes, receives, and anything else they could manage on their own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Throughout the hour-and-a-half of practice, Akaashi kept fumbling his sets, more often than once double-touching, or miscalculating how far should he go to reach the ball, or how much force to send the ball to the spiker with. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And the rest of the team were not fools. They noticed their usually calm and precise setter missing easy balls and screwing up basic serves. But, as previously mentioned, Akaashi’s teammates were not fools, and they knew any attention from them would be unwanted by Akaashi, so they left the issue up to their captain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-+-+-+-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Akaashi broke down, it wasn’t pretty. He was usually so stoic, so logical, the very opposite of emotional, that things like this didn’t happen to him. Sometimes, when he watched people like Hinata Shouyo or Bokuto-san express themselves so freely, he got jealous, why was it that when they wanted to be outwardly happy, or outwardly sad, excited, angry — anything else, really— nobody batted an eye? Actually, they didn’t just not bat an eye, they went out of their way to </span>
  <em>
    <span>help </span>
  </em>
  <span>them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akaashi can’t say he’s ever been awarded the same courtesy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was always </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Keji-kun! This isn’t any acceptable way to act!” </span>
  </em>
  <span>When he threw a tantrum as a child. Or </span>
  <em>
    <span>“keji! How do you expect to defend people in court if you’re wearing your heart in your sleeve?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>As petulant as it sounds, it’s not fair! Really, it isn’t, and Akaashi kind of hates himself for it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Earlier in the year, when Bokuto-san’s goldfish died, he had sulked and mourned for days. Everybody knew, and everybody pitched in to cheer the big dope up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But when Akaashi’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>grandfather </span>
  </em>
  <span>dies— well, it’s kind of obvious, the difference.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Little crescent shaped welts in the shape of his nails made themselves home on the lower parts of his palms, and an angry, red-hot, flitting itch danced its way up and down his forearms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> Akaashi was in trouble. He was supposed to be taking a water break, not having a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mental breakdown, for God’s sake!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the trembling in Akaashi’s lower lip, and the welling in his eyes became too much to handle, Akaashi spun in his heels to the direction of the locker rooms, and all but ran out of the gym. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know if the blurriness was a result if his running, or the salty tears running down his cheeks, but Akaashi couldn’t bring himself to care. He needed a quiet place, a small place, maybe. His mother never approved of his crying, she said it wasn't something a man should do, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>mama, aren’t I still a growing boy? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Finally Akaashi found his way to a storage closet next to the boys volleyball club locker rooms, and he entered, leaning against the inside of the closed door, and slid to the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Distantly, a more sensible part of Akaashi noted that he was being foolish. Running away from problems never leads to solutions, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> this. Akaashi’s hands moved from around his knees to raking through his hair. He couldn’t tell if he was breathing too much, too fast, or </span>
  <em>
    <span>not enough</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He began to worry his lower lip in between his teeth roughly, and tap sharply into his head with the tips of his fingernails.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Akaashi!!” A voice Akaashi instantly recognised as Bokuto-san’s called, “Where are you? Practice’s about to end, and classes start soon!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please don’t find me, Bokuto-san.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Lady Luck did not seem to favour him today, as when Bokuto tried to open the door Akaashi was leaning against, a startled Yelp left the distressed boy, impossible to not hear. The door quickly shut behind Akaashi, and he all but threw all his body weight against it, in an attempt to barricade the door closed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Akaashi?” Bokuto said from behind the door, worry colouring his voice. “Hey, I know you said you were fine earlier, but are you sure?” His sentence hung in the air for a moment before the older of the two baffled on “N-Not like I don’t think you can handle yourself! I was just…”— his voice faltered here, and continued off low, dejectedly— “worried about you, is all.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Surprisingly, this startled Akaashi into a wet laugh, that, too both of their horror, ended off with a broken sob.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, ‘Kaash, I’m gonna let myself in, okay?” Bokuto said, jingling the doornon from the outside a little, as if to further his point. After a moment, Bokuto could hear shuffling sounds coming from the closet, before they stopped. He assumed it was Akaashi moving away from the door, so after her another pause, Bokuto let himself in. He made sure to open the door as little as possible, and closed it behind him just as fast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Inside, it was still dark, and the only light source was the thin rectangular window at the tippy-top of the closet’s wall. In the corner of the same wall the door was on, Akaashi sat curled in on himself, shoulders hunched up to his ears and arms wrapped tightly around his knees, fingers fidgeting. His eyes were red and puffy, and he would sniff ever so often.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto’s eyes softened at the sight of his best friend, and in a much quieter voice (well, as quiet as one could get with Bokuto’s loud and boisterous nature) said, “Hey, ‘Kaashi, what’s all this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He crouched down slowly, making his actions obvious, and eased himself down a few inches away from Akaashi. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sat there in silence for a few minutes, their teammates’ voices sounding faint and far-off. It was almost like they were in their own closed-off and up-side-down world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, Akaashi unwound his arms from around his legs, and wiped his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. With —as silly as it sounds— a sniff that had an air of finality to it, Akaashi stood on ever-so-slightly shaky knees and said in a much-too-trembly voice, “I’m fine. Thank you for your concern, Bokuto-san.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nonsense, Akaashi, you’re obviously not fine.” Bokuto said with a little bit of indignance, standing up as well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I assure you, Bokuto-san, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>fine. Right as rain, and all-“ Akaashi tried to argue his point further, but he was pulled into a bear-hug by Bokuto, who, judging by how tightly he had wrapped his arms around the second-year, didn’t seem to plan on letting go any time soon. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not letting go of you until you tell me what’s wrong, Akaashi, okay?” Despite the conviction of his tone, Bokuto wasn’t actually intending on keeping that promise— to an extent, anyways. If Akaashi was really that uncomfortable with it, he’d let go, of course he would.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess we’ll be here a while, then, Bokuto-san.” And then, Akaashi’s tense muscles relaxed, and he all but sunk into his upperclassman’s warm embrace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And they stayed like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto was content to just stay here, and classes were really the last thing on his mind, but as the time clicked by, and their teammates’ voices quieted, Akaashi seemed to be tensing up again, and the arms he had tentatively raised to reciprocate the hug tightened almost uncomfortably so.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And then the sniffles started up again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took all of Bokuto’s will-power not to jump six feet into the air. Instead, he made an inquisitive hum. He raised one of his hands to Akaashi’s upper back and began to rub soothing circles into the fabric of his kouhai’s shirt, and prayed Akaashi would let him know what was going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My grandfather,” Akaashi said at last, though it was so quiet and distorted that Bokuto barely heard it. He knew Akaashi was the type of person who always shut their mouth if anyone else was speaking, but found it hard to stay that way in complete silence. So Bokuto let Akaashi talk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He died last night, in America.” Bokuto drew in a sharp breath, and tightened his arms around  shoulders. “I don’t know why I’m so sad about it, though,” Bokuto was a little confused, here. Who wouldn’t be sad in this situation? But he knew Akaashi would elaborate, so, in an almost uncharacteristic fashion, stayed quiet. “I wasn’t ever close with him. He always spoke to my cousins when we had family gatherings—“ a sound not unlike a whine left Akaashi’s throat, and judging by the way he pushed his forehead into Bokuto’s shoulder signified he was more than a little embarrassed. He pushed through, however, and continued talking “—and it wasn’t as though he never spoke to me, but the relationship was sort of..l detached, I guess.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akaashi trailed off there, and Bokuto took it as his cue to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what you’re saying is,” he began, “you feel like you’re overreacting,” After receiving a nod from the boy still in his arms, Bokuto scoffed gently and shook his head. “Akaashi, do you remember when Butter” — his goldfish — “died? And how I missed the next day of school? And how I cried so much after? Over a </span>
  <em>
    <span>goldfish. </span>
  </em>
  <span>A pet that’s almost fully guaranteed to die in a couple months. And everyone tried to cheer me up, remember? What makes you think you crying over your grandfather's passing is an overreaction?” It was a question Bokuto didn’t expect an answer to, but he was surprised when he heard Akaashi draw in a breath, as though he was about to reply. Suddenly, though, Akaashi jolted and drew away from his senior’s embrace, as though it burned him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bokuto-san. Our classes!” Akaashi exclaimed panickingly, “We’re late! You said classes were going to start ages ago—how long has it been?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Akaash! Calm down!” Bokuto scrambled to say, “that doesn’t matter! Your health comes first.” He said, like there was no room for argument. He tightened his arms around the smaller boy again, until the rigid lines of Akaashi’s body relaxed again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bokuto-san,” He tried again, more calmly this time, “we need to get to our classes. If we’ve missed one already, we can’t afford to miss another one.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay.” Bokuto conceded, “I’m gonna let go of you, now. Ready?” He pulled away slowly, leaving time for Akaashi to stay, if he’d changed his mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he stepped away, Akaashi wiped his eyes dry with the palm of his hand, and sniffed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you, Bokuto-san,” He said quietly into the quiet stillness of the closet, “Really.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anytime, Akaashi, anytime.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are always appreciated!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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